At 3:30 this morning I was sleeping all cozy and sound in my bed. Visions of a naked Ewan McGregor danced in my head. When I was awoke by my husband telling me that a drunk driver had hit my car. I threw on my jeans, shoes, coat and flew out the door. Needless to say the guy was more then a little plastered. He reeked of alcohol and swayed and staggered and slurred his words. Seems he had missed the turn, took out a sign, my mother in law’s mail box and then another sign before hitting my car. He then proceeded to back up (to flee the scene) and got his car stuck in my mother in law’s hedges (I was going to type bush but I figured some of you dirty minded people would take it the wrong way). It was just pure dumb luck that my husband was up that 3:30 AM outside on the porch talking to his cousin Dereck on his cell phone.
As I was out there in the cold, shivering with my husband, my mother in law and the drunk. The following conversation took place between me and the drunk. If the using of curse words offends you in the least people, please stop reading now . . .
[As I was walking over to my car the Drunk begins the exchange]
Drunk: Why did you hit me?
Me: Me? I didn’t hit you! I was in bed sleeping like normal people do at 3:30 in the morning!”
Drunk: Listen Sweetheart [as he stumbles towards me]
Me: Don’t fucking call me sweetheart!
Drunk: I don’t know who hit your car [slurred words] I just hit the bushes there do you have a cigarette
Me:You didn’t hit my car? So it’s just one big fucking coincidence that you are stuck there in the bushes and my car has just been hit?
Drunk: My car has no damage on it. Look at hit nothing.
[stumbles towards my car]
Drunk: Do you have a cigarette?
Me: No and even if I did I wouldn’t give you one! Hell I wouldn’t piss on you if you where on fire!
Drunk: Sweetheart, sweetheart call the cops. I didn’t hit your car my friend did.
Me: We did call the police.
Drunk: My friend hit your car and then took off.
Me: Well then I guess he’s the smart one cause now you are going to be held responsible.
Drunk: Sweetheart listen
Me: Call me sweetheart one more fucking time and I will kick your ass up between your shoulders!
Drunk: Ahhhh, I didn’t kill you. My cars there, your cars there. I’m calling a tow truck.
[Drunk gets cell phone out and calls tow truck company. He either had the number stored in his phone or had it memorize]
Drunk talking to tow company: I need a tow truck cause my car is being high jacked ummm Rt 19 somewhere.
[Hangs up phone]
Drunk: I didn’t hit your car. You got a cigarette. You hit me.
Me: I was in bed you fucking idiot!
Drunk: Hey I’m not being rude. Your human I’m human.
Me: Your a piece of shit!
Drunk: I’m call the cops.
Me: Please, please call them so they can decided what happened here cause the police just love drunk drivers!
[Drunk tripping over tree branches that he tore down when he plowed into my car.]
Drunk: There’s barbed wire here. I’m stuck in the barbed wire.
Drunk: They’ll take me to jail, they’ll take you to jail. They’ll take us both to jail.
Me: You better hope and pray that they don’t put you in the same fucking cell as me!
Drunk: You got a cigarette?
Drunk: You think this would be my first time going to jail?
Me: Wow! I am sooo fucking surprised!
Drunk: I didn’t hit your car.
Me: Oh come on! Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining! YOU hit my car!
Drunk: You got a cigarette?
There was a lot more exchanged between me and the drunk. With a lot more curse words peppered through out the conversation. It took the cop about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes to arrive. And in that time the drunk proceeded to say that he didn’t hit my car, I hit his car and that it was just a ding in my bumper.
Needless to say I was a little more then upset.