*This post is rather long, may be full of typos (because it can be a bit emotional for me) and is a little all over the place. You have been warned.*
That big decision that I was suppose to decide by the end of January… yeah, I’m still on the fence. But since Mike and I spoke to our parents about what we were considering, I might as well tell y’all.
We are thinking about trying to have another kid. Mike has always wanted to have another kid, but I’m not a baby person. Once they reach 8 months old, I’m fine with them. But the whole pregnancy and baby thing is not something that I like.
I keep going back and forth on the issue. On one hand, I don’t want to start over. Raven will be leaving for college in the fall and if we had another kid it would really be starting over from scratch. But then on the other hand, I like the idea of being able to do things that we were not able to do with Raven because of our situation (being teenagers, living with our parents, et cetera).
Also, I’m worried that I won’t be able to do it. I have very little energy (I have severe iron deficiency, have had it since I was born, so that means I have zero energy and live off caffeine and my prescription iron supplements just to get me through the day) and honestly don’t know if I can handle having another kid. And that scares the shit out of me because it’s not like I can return the kid if I find out I cannot deal with it.
I am also worried how a baby would effect Jedi and Nefarian. I think Nefarian would handle it just fine, but Jedi doesn’t like little kids and stays away from them at all costs. And since my cats are a huge part of my life, it’s only natural that I would consider them in the decision. And there is no way in hell I am giving up my cats, kicking them outside or confining them to a room. I would rather lay down and die than give them up or harm them in anyway.
And, when it comes to pregnancy and babies, I still have that same mindset as my scared 16-year old self. Seriously, I am so worried that if I would get pregnant, my parents would yell at me or something. I am a married, almost 35 year old who owns her own home and has a 17 year old daughter. Yet I’m still worried that my parents would get pissed or try to ground me if I got pregnant. I don’t think it helps the fact that when I told my Mom what Mike and I were discussing she flip her shit and spent 20 minutes on the phone shaming me for even considering it. Yeah, that was completely unexpected. Especially since I don’t ask my Mom for shit and me and Mike raised Raven on our own and she turned out pretty damn well. I ended up spending the next few hours crying my eyes out because of that. My Mom even went as far as to say I wasn’t thinking about Raven or my cats. The funny thing is, Raven has known almost from the beginning that we were considering trying to have another child. She said she doesn’t care one way or another. And we have made it clear that another kid wouldn’t be replacing her, nor would it take over her room. And I consider my two cats in everything I do. They are my babies, always will be, and the only thing that comes before them is Raven. So for my mom to accuse me of not thinking about them is a huge insult to me. Thankfully, my awesome Stepmom said that her and my Dad would support us no matter what our decision.
On the plus side, however, I would like to raise another cat-loving geek. And it would be completely different than the last time since we are no longer teenagers living with our parents. We are
responsible adults with our own home, jobs and all that other stuff. And Mike and I already have the names picked out for both a girl and a boy. A guarantee that we would have a boy would increase my desire to have another kid. We already have a girl (full of talent, intelligence and beauty), and it would be nice to have one of each.
The funny thing is, I have being debating this issue seriously for over a year, yet I see women on my Facebook feed who — after dating a guy for a few weeks — announce they are trying to conceive. It’s like, really? Mike and I have know each other since we were 5 years old and have been together as a couple for going on 20 years, and I put more thought into what to eat for breakfast then some people do on whether or not to have a baby.