Months before Nefarian got sick, before we knew anything was wrong, I had told Mike that we should adopted a female black kitten and name her Fern. I said it a few times, just to put it out there if we ever decided to add another cat to our family.
Two months after Nefarian passed away, Mike showed me a photo of a black kitten available for adoption at our local Humane Society, and they had named her Fern. It felt like fate, but it had only been two months since we lost our sweet Nefarian. I wasn’t ready. I knew adopting a cat wouldn’t be a replacement for Nefarian, but it was hard to not feel guilty at the thought of even adopting another cat so soon after Nefarian passed away. Especially when all I wanted was to have Nefarian back. I mulled it over for several days and was leaning towards not adopting her, but Mike talked me into it.
On June 20, 2022, we went to the Humane Society for a meet and greet with Fern. On the ride there, I broke down crying, which made Mike think I didn’t want to adopt Fern, which was the furthest thing from the truth. I was just a bit emotional and missing Nefarian like crazy.
We got to the Humane Society, and they showed us to the kitten room. They introduced us to Fern, who was a teeny tiny baby, and we instantly fell in love. We brought her home that day, and it took about 10 seconds after we opened the carrier for her to make the house her home. She has settled into our home nicely, and is both oh so sweet and oh so crazy. She is a house panther, my magical kitty. Widget doesn’t mind her, though she does try to attack him (in a playful way), which he doesn’t like. He does, however, love when she lays beside him so he can clean her.
I don’t know how he did it, but I believe that Nefarian sent us Fern to help heal our hearts after his passing.
This isn’t the type of post I wanted to make, far from it. Our sweet Nefarian was diagnosed with a tumor at the base of his heart on April 5th 2022. Needless to say I was shocked, devastated, heartbroken, when the vet told me that the x-ray showed the tumor. There wasn’t much more they could tell me, since they couldn’t determine what type of tumor it was or how long he had without a biopsy. Our vet said that, at the time, since he was doing well (still eating and drinking, not acting sick, and not losing weight) she didn’t really think a biopsy was a good idea since that could set things off. She did, however, say that the tumor was significant in size, but that she couldn’t give us a timeframe on how long he had. It could be a few weeks, a few months, or even a year.
I brought Nefarian home, crying the entire way, and then spent most of that day switching back and forth from holding Nefarian and crying, to Google searching heart based tumors in cats to learn as much about it as possible and how to increase their life expectancy.
The morning of April 21st 2022, Nefarian had labored breathing so we rushed him to the vet. It wasn’t news we wanted to hear. His lungs where filled with fluid. The vet said he had only a few hours to a day at most and that we needed to start thinking about letting him go. We made the most difficult decision to let him go and not extend his suffering for just a few more hours.
Honestly, I really can’t continue writing about Nefarian’s passing. It took months for me to be able to write this much without bawling. Just know that we will always love Nefarian, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him.
May the 31st marks 3 months since Jedi passed. I’m doing okay, I guess. As well as can be expected considering I’ve lost my soulmate, and yes, Jedi was my soulmate. I truly believe that soulmates are not always romantic in nature, nor are they always human, and I know that Jedi was in deed my soulmate.
I hide my emotions about him being gone fairly well when I’m around people. But then I get into the shower, shove a washcloth in my mouth, and scream until nothing comes out and cry until I can no longer produce tears. During the day my mind is occupied with work so I am usually okay, but at night, when everything is quiet and there’s nothing to push the fact out of my mind that he’s really gone, well that’s when it’s the hardest.
But I have to keep all of that to myself. All the despair, the pain, the wanting nothing more than being with my baby again, that has to stay hidden. Cause people suck, people are assholes, and people keep trying to get me to take their cat(s), as if that would make me feel better.
I already have two cats that I love dearly, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But having Nefarian and Widget doesn’t make Jedi’s death any less painful, so why the hell would they think “getting another cat” would help me “heal”. It takes everything in my being not to put my fist through their face when they start hinting (some even come right out and say it) about me taking their cat or getting another cat.
I don’t expect people to understand my love and devotion to my cats. Hell, I don’t even expect people to respect it. What I do expect is for them to not be inconsiderate pricks. And I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. Especially since I am very vocal about how much my cats mean to me, and just how important Jedi is.