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Life in General

Here Kitty Kitty/ Life in General

Three Months Gone

May the 31st marks 3 months since Jedi passed. I’m doing okay, I guess. As well as can be expected considering I’ve lost my soulmate, and yes, Jedi was my soulmate. I truly believe that soulmates are not always romantic in nature, nor are they always human, and I know that Jedi was in deed my soulmate.

I hide my emotions about him being gone fairly well when I’m around people. But then I get into the shower, shove a washcloth in my mouth, and scream until nothing comes out and cry until I can no longer produce tears. During the day my mind is occupied with work so I am usually okay, but at night, when everything is quiet and there’s nothing to push the fact out of my mind that he’s really gone, well that’s when it’s the hardest.

But I have to keep all of that to myself. All the despair, the pain, the wanting nothing more than being with my baby again, that has to stay hidden. Cause people suck, people are assholes, and people keep trying to get me to take their cat(s), as if that would make me feel better.

I already have two cats that I love dearly, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But having Nefarian and Widget doesn’t make Jedi’s death any less painful, so why the hell would they think “getting another cat” would help me “heal”.  It takes everything in my being not to put my fist through their face when they start hinting (some even come right out and say it) about me taking their cat or getting another cat.

I don’t expect people to understand my love and devotion to my cats. Hell, I don’t even expect people to respect it. What I do expect is for them to not be inconsiderate pricks. And I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. Especially since I am very vocal about how much my cats mean to me, and just how important Jedi is.

Here Kitty Kitty/ Life in General

It Hurts to Move Forward

It’s been close to two months since Jedi passed away. I can honestly say that it doesn’t get any easier, I’ve just had to learn how to live without him. And that right there hurts so damn much. It feels like I shouldn’t continue forward in my life without him. He was my best friend, my constant for almost 12 years, and going on with my life feels like I’m turning my back on him, like I didn’t really love him. I know that sounds ridiculous ’cause I know how much I love Jedi, how much he means to me, but I just can’t help feeling that way.

And I have all these things going on in my life that I want to share with him, and taking part in these things without having my beautiful ginger baby with me just feels so wrong.

I miss him so damn much.

 

Here Kitty Kitty/ Life in General

My World Is Darker

This is the hardest post I have ever written. I have started and stopped so many times.

My baby, my best friend, Jedi, passed away on March 8.

It feels like a piece of me is gone. I have this constant feeling of dread.

Some moments, I’m doing okay. Other moments, I’m completely broken, crying until I’m hyperventilating.

I miss him so damn much and would give just about anything to get him back.