Life in General

No New Year’s Resolutions

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Instead of New Years resolutions, I’m making goals. Why goals and not resolutions? Well, almost every year I make a bunch of resolutions, which I stick to for a few weeks, and then abandon before Spring hits. Resolutions seem more of a “I will definitely get this accomplished this year”, while goals have a more relaxed and laid back type of vibe. And I like that.

Anyway……

The goals I have set for 2019 are obtainable ones that I’m pretty confident I can achieve this year. In the past, when I would make New Year’s resolutions, it would be something that was much more difficult to accomplish. While things like ‘lose 50 pounds’ is possible in a years time, it takes a great deal of dedication that I just don’t know if I can complete. So that’s why I have decided to set real, obtainable goals for this new year.

Improve my Sewing Skills

Towards the end of 2018, I finally got our sewing machine out and made myself learn how to properly use it. And with the help of some Youtube videos, I was able to make my first ever not-sewn-by-hand catnip kicker. I have also made a couple of plastic bag holders — which surprisingly turned out okay — and want to continue to improve on that ability. I would like to the point where I can sew a skirt, dress, or pajama pants with ease. I’m not sure if I can accomplish that in 2019, so I’m just setting out to improve my sewing skills no matter how little that improvement may be.

Get Out of the House More

And I don’t just mean to the grocery store. While I don’t want to set a larger goal of “traveling abroad”, I do want to go out and do more things, even if it’s just in the town next to me. I spend way too much time in the house. I work from home and relax at home, and while I do love being home (that’s where my kitties are after all) I also want to get out and explore, and do things that require leaving my house.

Ignite my Lost Passion for Photography

It wasn’t that long ago that I had a Nikon D90 and I would plan trips to local areas to snap some pictures. I loved photography, and was rather decent at it. And then, at the start of 2013, I had to get rid of my camera, and I just never got another one. But this past April my husband bought me a camera for my birthday. I was so happy to finally get a DSLR again, and then I just didn’t use it. I’m laying some of the blame on my phone because it’s just so much easier to grab the phone — which is almost always within reach — and snap some pictures then it is to get up, walk to where I keep my camera, take it out of it’s case, turn it on, get it set, blah, blah, blah. It feels like a chore. And this saddens me so because, at one point in my life, my camera and the act of shooting photos brought me so much joy. It gave me a reason to go outside, and it allowed the creative side of me come to out. I miss it and want to get that passion, or at least a small portion of that passion, back.

That’s it. Three goals. Three not-too-complicated goals that I have set for myself during this new.

What about you? Did you set goals or resolutions for the new year?



Here Kitty Kitty/ Life in General

Three Months Gone

May the 31st marks 3 months since Jedi passed. I’m doing okay, I guess. As well as can be expected considering I’ve lost my soulmate, and yes, Jedi was my soulmate. I truly believe that soulmates are not always romantic in nature, nor are they always human, and I know that Jedi was in deed my soulmate.

I hide my emotions about him being gone fairly well when I’m around people. But then I get into the shower, shove a washcloth in my mouth, and scream until nothing comes out and cry until I can no longer produce tears. During the day my mind is occupied with work so I am usually okay, but at night, when everything is quiet and there’s nothing to push the fact out of my mind that he’s really gone, well that’s when it’s the hardest.

But I have to keep all of that to myself. All the despair, the pain, the wanting nothing more than being with my baby again, that has to stay hidden. Cause people suck, people are assholes, and people keep trying to get me to take their cat(s), as if that would make me feel better.

I already have two cats that I love dearly, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But having Nefarian and Widget doesn’t make Jedi’s death any less painful, so why the hell would they think “getting another cat” would help me “heal”.  It takes everything in my being not to put my fist through their face when they start hinting (some even come right out and say it) about me taking their cat or getting another cat.

I don’t expect people to understand my love and devotion to my cats. Hell, I don’t even expect people to respect it. What I do expect is for them to not be inconsiderate pricks. And I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. Especially since I am very vocal about how much my cats mean to me, and just how important Jedi is.

Here Kitty Kitty/ Life in General

It Hurts to Move Forward

It’s been close to two months since Jedi passed away. I can honestly say that it doesn’t get any easier, I’ve just had to learn how to live without him. And that right there hurts so damn much. It feels like I shouldn’t continue forward in my life without him. He was my best friend, my constant for almost 12 years, and going on with my life feels like I’m turning my back on him, like I didn’t really love him. I know that sounds ridiculous ’cause I know how much I love Jedi, how much he means to me, but I just can’t help feeling that way.

And I have all these things going on in my life that I want to share with him, and taking part in these things without having my beautiful ginger baby with me just feels so wrong.

I miss him so damn much.