Confession #1

This is completely horrible of me but when I see recent pictures (on facebook nonetheless) of people I went to high school with and they are overweight, I feel a little better about myself. I know that, that statement right there makes me a horrendous person but I cannot help it. I don’t know if it is due to the fact that I myself have been struggling with my weight ever since I was in the 5^th grade and now that the number is coming down on the scale I don’t feel as much like the fat girl that everyone made fun of. I mean, I still feel like a fat girl but not as much as when I weighed 220 lbs. Or maybe it is because some of these girls made me feel like I was worth less than them just because they wore a size 6 while I was in the high end of the double digits. And when I see them now wearing a 20+ size and I’m in a 10, I get a little giddy. As I said, I know this sounds horrendous but it is how I feel sometimes. I really don’t want to feel this way but it just comes naturally. It’s like all those years of getting made fun of by these girls and they end up being overweight, well, it feels a little like they got their just deserts (no pun intended).

The thing is, even though it sounds like I am, I’m not a bad person. One of my high school friends has gained weight in the last 12 years and I don’t feel happy or giddy about that. It’s just when I see the uppity, I’m-better-than-you-girls (or guys for that matter) who made fun of me, told me I was not good enough for my then boyfriend (who is my husband now) and just in general made high school life pure hell; I feel a little satisfaction. Unlike how they treated me in high school, I would never want or try to make them feel less than a human being just because they gained weight. I will just keep the comments to myself and smile on the inside.