Author Archives: Manda

That is a question I have asked myself way too many times. I truly do not believe I am happy. Yes, I do have happy experiences throughout the day and I do laugh. However, when it is all said and done with, I still feel depressed and unhappy. I hate the living situation I am in at the moment and no matter how hard I try, I am more or less stuck here. The thought of me being stuck here fills me with sorrow. I am almost 31 years old, married with an almost 14-year-old daughter. I should not be feeling this way. At the age of 30, my life should be headed down the right path. Not stalled on the tracks with a train fast approaching! Things have not been good since October 2006. However, in the summer of 2010 things actually looked like they started to improve. Now I think it was all smoke and mirrors and only looked like improvement because I wanted it so bad.

Sorry about the depressing post. I just had to get that off my chest.

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I have been trying to figure out what to get my husband. He is extremely difficult to buy for. Besides WoW, there really is nothing that he has been majorly into for the past few years. He has WoW shirts, hats and things of that nature so he really does not need any more clothing. I would not even begin to pick out a gaming mouse or keyboard for him because he is very particular when it comes to that type of stuff and it would just be safer for me to avoid those items. However, I did find this cool Alliance ring that I ordered for him on ebay. His wedding ring is getting too tight for his finger and I thought the Alliance ring might be a cool and unique alternative that he would enjoy. I know it’s corny and geeky but I guess that is how we are. I just hope it gets here before Valentine’s Day.

It has been almost 3 weeks since Nan has passed. It is funny, but after the initial few days, I do not feel sad anymore … that is unless I truly think about the moment she passed. It is odd, because I thought I would be crying for weeks but it does not feel like she is really gone. When I go down to my Mom’s house (mom lives with Nan) it still feels like Nan is there. I know her body is not physically there but her spirit still seems to fill the house. I am glad that I can still feel her with me and I hope I never lose that feeling.

There is a lot to write about and none of it is good news.

My Nan (my Mom’s mother) passed away in the early morning hours on Monday January 17^th. Raven and I are extremely close to Nan. After my mom and dad divorced when I was 15 years old, my Mom and I moved in with my Nan and there I lived until I was 20 years old. She was extremely supportive of me when she found out I was pregnant at the young age of 16 and never once shamed me or try to kick me out of her home. Raven has spent just about every Saturday night with Mom and Nan since she was in elementary school. She called Raven her angel and Raven adores Nan. She is the best grandmother ever, a remarkable women and I miss her terribly. I am thankful that she went peacefully with family members (my husband and myself included) by her side. The viewing and funeral where held last Wednesday and Thursday. She had so many visitors and a ton of flowers. Everyone that knew her loved her. She truly is a great woman who raised four children by herself. I love her and will always miss her. Moreover, she left me with a lifetime full of wisdom and wonderful memories that I will always cherish.

Me and Nan

My Dad (who lives in Ohio with my Stepmom) called me Saturday night to inform me that my Grandpa (his Dad) passed away. Unfortunately, I was not that close to him because of the distance but he is an admirable man and a wonderful grandfather. He will be missed by many including myself. I am glad me, Mike and Raven where able to attend the funeral. We left Monday after Raven got home from school, stayed the night with my Dad and Stepmom, went to the funeral Tuesday morning and then drove the three hours back home late Tuesday afternoon.

Needless to say, I am emotionally and physically drained.

Today I made spinach dip. I got the recipe from my Stepmom because hers is the best I have ever tasted. It was simple enough (16 ounces of sour cream, chopped fresh spinach and a packet of Knorr’s vegetable mix) and turned out super yummy. It’s funny that I love fresh spinach (prefer it over lettuce on my salads) yet I cannot stand cooked spinach. Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn. Raven is the same way with carrots. She loves fresh carrots but absolutely hates cooked carrots and will not eat them.

Five days ago, I started my third attempt at the 365 Days Project. So far, I have kept it up but it has only been five days so I am not going to pat myself on the back just yet.

For the first time since I can ever remember, the county we are in actually canceled school for tomorrow at 5pm! Usually our county has a stick up their butt and would rather the kids go to school even if it means putting the children’s safety on the line. Moreover, when they do cancel it, it is always at the last minute such as 5:45am. I love snow days!

Besides baking, working and dwindling down my Netflix watch instant queue I have been trying to stay warm. It has been extremely cold and I do not do well in the cold. I have been covering up with my electric blanket and drinking loads of hot chocolate and coffee.

My weight lose is also at a standstill. Ugh. I have creeped back up to 166 pounds, which is completely unacceptable on my 5 foot 3 inch height. I think within the next few weeks I am going to pick up a Kinex and a few games (including Dance Central) and hope that helps me loose the weight. Even with my calorie intake being around 1100 to 1200 daily (with me doing 30 minutes of exercise), I still cannot seem to budge my weight any lower right now. How fitting is that, that I complain about not losing weight yet I post a picture of cupcakes. Meh.

This past weekend (New Years weekend) the husband, Raven and myself went to visit my Dad, Step Mom and three Step Brothers in Ohio for the weekend. We left early Saturday morning and stayed until Sunday night. My Step Mom had a late Christmas / New Years get-together Sunday morning that lasted until after 6pm. Good food and good people made for a fun and entertaining day of bullshitting. It is amazing that my Dad lives a mere 3 hours away and I hardly get to see him. One of my New Years resolutions is to visit my Dad more often.

Dad and me.

Lose 30 pounds. I know that losing weight is a common resolution but I am going to try my damndest to do it this year. I need to lose 30 pounds to reach my goal weight and I will be happy. Hell, I would be happy with losing 20 pounds!

Visit my Dad more often. Like I said above, he lives only 3 hours away yet I only see him once or twice a year. I love him, he is a great Dad and I really miss him.

Stay positive. One of the main problems I have in my life is negativity. I let others get me down and it is causing nothing but grief in my life. I need to learn to not let others effect me as much as they do now.

Save more money. I really need to start adding more money in savings. For so long I was barely getting by. Now that I have some extra income left over after the bills, I need to save it instead of blowing it on things not really needed.

Blog more. We will see if that really happens. Most of the time I just do not have anything interesting to say.

Stop putting things off. I have a tendency to say “I’ll do it some other day”. But there might not be another day.

Complete a 365 Project. This will be my third attempt but I am going to give it another shot!

Do more fun actives with my daughter and husband.

My Christmas was a pleasant one. Nothing exciting happened and — thank God — nothing dreadful did either. The day before Christmas Eve, I spent it baking holiday goodies as presents for a few family members. Maple sugar cookies, peanut butter blossoms and cookies n’ cream fudge is what I filled the Christmas tins with this year.

On Christmas Eve, we headed down to my Mom and Nan’s house for a few hours. Since my Nan is not doing well, they opted out of having their annual Christmas Eve party but wanted to make sure we came down to get our gifts and spend some time with Nan. After a few hours, we headed down to Mike’s Dad and Grandpa’s house. We ate, bullshited and exchanged gifts and then headed back home. That night we spent watching various movies and tv shows and pretty much just relaxed. Raven went to bed at about midnight and I was not up long after that. I placed the gifts under the tree, filled the stockings and went to bed.

I woke up at a few minutes before 8am. I went to see if Raven was awake yet and (of course) she was. She was on her computer, liking a variety of pages on Facebook and waiting until we awoke. After unwrapping her gifts, Mike unwrapped his, I unwrapped mine and Jedi and London unwrapped theirs.  Actually, we had to help them unwrap theirs.

Raven got one of her favorite movies on DVD. The Taste of Tea.

Jedi playing with his Christmas catnip mouse that he got in his stocking.

London loving his new raccoon stuffed animal with a crinkly tail and squeaky appendages.

I got a Kitchen Ninja from my Mom and Nan. Five awesome drawings from my oh so talented daughter. Labyrinth t-shirt, Princess Bride DVD, new camera case that looks like a backpack and kitty cat earrings from my husband. And money from various family members. All in all it was a delightful holiday. How was everyone else’s holiday?

I cannot believe that Christmas is a mere three days away! Wow, this year has just flown by. I am happy to say that I finished the last of my Christmas shopping today. I had to pick up two gift cards and was able to get that accomplished while grocery shopping this afternoon. I have two presents waiting to arrive in the mail (they are suppose to arrive the 22^nd and 23^rd) and I still need to bake a few tins full of cookies but I will wait until Thursday so the cookies are as fresh as possible. Besides getting ready for Christmas, I have been working and trying to stay warm. It has been extremely cold the past few weeks and I dread venturing outside. Today was Raven’s last school day of 2010 and she could not be happier. She has back on January 3. Welp, I am pooped and think I am going to head to bed.

We went trick or treating last night. This will probably be Raven’s last year trick or treating. That is unless she and a group of friends want to go. But more than likely this is the last year for us (her parents) taking her. Next year she will be a freshman in high school and I highly doubt she wants her dorky parents dressed up in God knows what taking her trick or treating. Anywho, here are a few pictures. It was freezing cold and I did not take nearly as many pictures as I wanted to because I could barley feel my hands!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Me and Mike at the movie theaters watching Paranormal Activity 2  10/29/10

Me and Raven at the movie theaters watching Paranormal Activity 2  10/29/10

Raven as a Geisha Samaria.

Mike as a pirate.

Me and Mike.

I’m not feeling too well today. I work up this morning with a headache, sore throat and semi-stuffy nose. I am freezing (even though the heat is on and the thermostat says its 74 degrees but I think the thermostat is a lying asshole) and am contemplating fixing myself hot chocolate with whipped cream! Besides being sick I am spending the weekend watching Blizzcon 2010. My husband and I purchased the virtual ticket (we did the same thing last year for Blizzcon 2009) and I am looking forward to the costume/singing/dancing costume, which will be coming up soon. I am so excited for the cataclysm release (December 7, the day before our anniversary). I preordered two copies of it at Gamestop back in April (yeah, I’m a geek).