A Fern Sent To Heal Our Hearts

Months before Nefarian got sick, before we knew anything was wrong, I had told Mike that we should adopted a female black kitten and name her Fern. I said it a few times, just to put it out there if we ever decided to add another cat to our family.

Two months after Nefarian passed away, Mike showed me a photo of a black kitten available for adoption at our local Humane Society, and they had named her Fern. It felt like fate, but it had only been two months since we lost our sweet Nefarian. I wasn’t ready. I knew adopting a cat wouldn’t be a replacement for Nefarian, but it was hard to not feel guilty at the thought of even adopting another cat so soon after Nefarian passed away. Especially when all I wanted was to have Nefarian back. I mulled it over for several days and was leaning towards not adopting her, but Mike talked me into it.

On June 20, 2022, we went to the Humane Society for a meet and greet with Fern. On the ride there, I broke down crying, which made Mike think I didn’t want to adopt Fern, which was the furthest thing from the truth. I was just a bit emotional and missing Nefarian like crazy.

We got to the Humane Society, and they showed us to the kitten room. They introduced us to Fern, who was a teeny tiny baby, and we instantly fell in love. We brought her home that day, and it took about 10 seconds after we opened the carrier for her to make the house her home. She has settled into our home nicely, and is both oh so sweet and oh so crazy. She is a house panther, my magical kitty. Widget doesn’t mind her, though she does try to attack him (in a playful way), which he doesn’t like. He does, however, love when she lays beside him so he can clean her.

I don’t know how he did it, but I believe that Nefarian sent us Fern to help heal our hearts after his passing.

Featured Photo by Robert Nelson on Unsplash

This World Is Not Fair

This isn’t the type of post I wanted to make, far from it. Our sweet Nefarian was diagnosed with a tumor at the base of his heart on April 5th 2022. Needless to say I was shocked, devastated, heartbroken, when the vet told me that the x-ray showed the tumor. There wasn’t much more they could tell me, since they couldn’t determine what type of tumor it was or how long he had without a biopsy. Our vet said that, at the time, since he was doing well (still eating and drinking, not acting sick, and not losing weight) she didn’t really think a biopsy was a good idea since that could set things off. She did, however, say that the tumor was significant in size, but that she couldn’t give us a timeframe on how long he had. It could be a few weeks, a few months, or even a year.

I brought Nefarian home, crying the entire way, and then spent most of that day switching back and forth from holding Nefarian and crying, to Google searching heart based tumors in cats to learn as much about it as possible and how to increase their life expectancy.

The morning of April 21st 2022, Nefarian had labored breathing so we rushed him to the vet. It wasn’t news we wanted to hear. His lungs where filled with fluid. The vet said he had only a few hours to a day at most and that we needed to start thinking about letting him go. We made the most difficult decision to let him go and not extend his suffering for just a few more hours.

Honestly, I really can’t continue writing about Nefarian’s passing. It took months for me to be able to write this much without bawling. Just know that we will always love Nefarian, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about him.

Three Months Gone

May the 31st marks 3 months since Jedi passed. I’m doing okay, I guess. As well as can be expected considering I’ve lost my soulmate, and yes, Jedi was my soulmate. I truly believe that soulmates are not always romantic in nature, nor are they always human, and I know that Jedi was in deed my soulmate.

I hide my emotions about him being gone fairly well when I’m around people. But then I get into the shower, shove a washcloth in my mouth, and scream until nothing comes out and cry until I can no longer produce tears. During the day my mind is occupied with work so I am usually okay, but at night, when everything is quiet and there’s nothing to push the fact out of my mind that he’s really gone, well that’s when it’s the hardest.

But I have to keep all of that to myself. All the despair, the pain, the wanting nothing more than being with my baby again, that has to stay hidden. Cause people suck, people are assholes, and people keep trying to get me to take their cat(s), as if that would make me feel better.

I already have two cats that I love dearly, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything. But having Nefarian and Widget doesn’t make Jedi’s death any less painful, so why the hell would they think “getting another cat” would help me “heal”.  It takes everything in my being not to put my fist through their face when they start hinting (some even come right out and say it) about me taking their cat or getting another cat.

I don’t expect people to understand my love and devotion to my cats. Hell, I don’t even expect people to respect it. What I do expect is for them to not be inconsiderate pricks. And I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. Especially since I am very vocal about how much my cats mean to me, and just how important Jedi is.

It Hurts to Move Forward

It’s been close to two months since Jedi passed away. I can honestly say that it doesn’t get any easier, I’ve just had to learn how to live without him. And that right there hurts so damn much. It feels like I shouldn’t continue forward in my life without him. He was my best friend, my constant for almost 12 years, and going on with my life feels like I’m turning my back on him, like I didn’t really love him. I know that sounds ridiculous ’cause I know how much I love Jedi, how much he means to me, but I just can’t help feeling that way.

And I have all these things going on in my life that I want to share with him, and taking part in these things without having my beautiful ginger baby with me just feels so wrong.

I miss him so damn much.

 

My World Is Darker

This is the hardest post I have ever written. I have started and stopped so many times.

My baby, my best friend, Jedi, passed away on March 8.

It feels like a piece of me is gone. I have this constant feeling of dread.

Some moments, I’m doing okay. Other moments, I’m completely broken, crying until I’m hyperventilating.

I miss him so damn much and would give just about anything to get him back.

 

The Health Benefits of Owning a Cat

This is a guest post by Raven Flanigan

The love and support a cat provides their owner can be a calming experience; a heartwarming head nudge or a soft purr on the lap are simple affections with a lot of impact! Cats are often looked upon as being unaffectionate and selfish, but that is far from the truth. Of course, they may act selfish and sometimes only rub up against your legs when they’re hungry, but they can provide a lot of comfort when you’re feeling stressed or even so much as having an anxiety attack or depression. The love provided from a cat is a rewarding experience regardless!

Cats can offer emotional support and science can prove this statement! When a cat purrs, the vibrations given off fall into the range of offering therapeutic effects for various illnesses; the frequencies fall between 20 to 140 Hz, which is medically known to be therapeutic. For this same reason, purring can promote bone strength, as the best frequencies are 25 and 50 Hz and the second best are 100 and 200 Hz. Purring also aids in the healing of numerous injuries, swelling, and infection! Their purrs alone can provide even more medically, such as lowering blood pressure, general stress levels, and even decrease the symptoms of dyspnea. Calming cat purrs are the most effective with people suffering from PTSD and anxiety who struggle with calming themselves down. Petting the cat and feeling its reaction change teaches emotional regulation in a way that’s easy to focus on due to petting the cat in a rhythmic motion. Cats also don’t purr at every stroke, so creating a goal to strive for (petting in a way the cat likes to produce a purr) can also aid in regulating emotions.

Of course, spending time with most animals can give positive affects regardless, not just cats; however, cats play a significant role in aiding mental health, as their attitudes are quite unique! What happens when you pet an animal? Your body produces the oxytocin hormone, and can increase serotonin and dopamine levels, which all provide positive feelings and lower stress. What cats help their owner’s most with are mental illnesses like anxiety, social interaction issues, and depression. Therapists have agreed that dogs are perfect to begin therapy with, however they won’t produce the same changes that a cat can. The reason is thought to be that dogs will put up with bad behaviors whereas cats will not; this means that bad behaviors and thoughts can change, as a cat provides a more life-like human interaction than a dog due to their human-like independency. Cats serve as a guide to healthy relationships in a way that no other animal can!

Cats provide a different kind of companionship to people than other animals do. Because of their independency like previously stated, interactions with them are more human-like, and this is what makes a huge impact to people who struggle socially, have had bad home experiences, or are even suffering from a loss. When struggling with any issue, you can feel lost or even like you have no purpose, but coming home every day to a cat that you must feed a few times a day and keep an eye on their litter box often creates a routine and sense of purpose that can help ease the symptoms of emotional distress. They also offer a quality distraction, as stated before that petting them appropriately will reward you with purrs, as well as focusing on playing with them correctly (they are hunters by blood, so to see them be as active as possible, there are some techniques to the feather wand!) can offer a distraction that not many other things can.

Cats can be registered as emotional support animals! An emotional support animal is a pet that helps ease emotional distress and is a vital part of treatment to help a person’s well-being. You can consider the support cat info here to find out how you can get your cat registered as an emotional support animal for mental health! Cats can’t be registered as service animals, but fortunately if your cat can become an emotional support animal, they’ll possess more rights than an unregistered pet. This means your cat can accompany you where they usually wouldn’t be able to and prevents you from being turned away from housing that prevents pets from living there. Of course, public areas and businesses aren’t required by law to allow your emotional support animal to accompany you since they’re not service animals. In fact, may places are looking down upon those with service animals and emotional support animals both due to an influx of irresponsible owners registering their pets just to take them around; a group of reporters were able to register a stuffed dog as an emotional support animal for a plane ride. This kind of irresponsibility makes getting your pet registered even more difficult and looked down upon in public for those who truly need them. Because of this, it’s advised that you take care in registering your cat as an emotional support animal and only doing so if you truly need them for support, as this can aid in making it less difficult for those who are currently struggling with mental and emotional stress who need their cat (or any pet) registered as an emotional support animal.

Cats are very helpful and comforting; they possess traits that can aid those with mental and emotional distress on the path to recovery. Cats have so much to offer with their healing purrs, charming independency, and unique companionship to help those struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD, social issues, and various other emotional and mental illnesses. And don’t forget, cats can be registered as emotional support animals, so if you or someone you know depends on their cat for support, it’s recommended to take the steps needed for the cat to gain rights and be able to accompany their owner more places. Cats are truly an unrecognized blessing to those struggling and in need of help; the comfort they provide can be overwhelmingly helpful and heal the deepest wounds.