Author Archives: Manda

*This post is rather long, may be full of typos (because it can be a bit emotional for me) and is a little all over the place. You have been warned.*

That big decision that I was suppose to decide by the end of January… yeah, I’m still on the fence. But since Mike and I spoke to our parents about what we were considering, I might as well tell y’all.

We are thinking about trying to have another kid. Mike has always wanted to have another kid, but I’m not a baby person. Once they reach 8 months old, I’m fine with them. But the whole pregnancy and baby thing is not something that I like.

I keep going back and forth on the issue. On one hand, I don’t want to start over. Raven will be leaving for college in the fall and if we had another kid it would really be starting over from scratch. But then on the other hand, I like the idea of being able to do things that we were not able to do with Raven because of our situation (being teenagers, living with our parents, et cetera).

Also, I’m worried that I won’t be able to do it. I have very little energy (I have severe iron deficiency, have had it since I was born, so that means I have zero energy and live off caffeine and my prescription iron supplements just to get me through the day) and honestly don’t know if I can handle having another kid. And that scares the shit out of me because it’s not like I can return the kid if I find out I cannot deal with it.

I am also worried how a baby would effect Jedi and Nefarian. I think Nefarian would handle it just fine, but Jedi doesn’t like little kids and stays away from them at all costs. And since my cats are a huge part of my life, it’s only natural that I would consider them in the decision. And there is no way in hell I am giving up my cats, kicking them outside or confining them to a room. I would rather lay down and die than give them up or harm them in anyway.

And, when it comes to pregnancy and babies, I still have that same mindset as my scared 16-year old self. Seriously, I am so worried that if I would get pregnant, my parents would yell at me or something. I am a married, almost 35 year old who owns her own home and has a 17 year old daughter. Yet I’m still worried that my parents would get pissed or try to ground me if I got pregnant. I don’t think it helps the fact that when I told my Mom what Mike and I were discussing she flip her shit and spent 20 minutes on the phone shaming me for even considering it. Yeah, that was completely unexpected. Especially since I don’t ask my Mom for shit and me and Mike raised Raven on our own and she turned out pretty damn well. I ended up spending the next few hours crying my eyes out because of that. My Mom even went as far as to say I wasn’t thinking about Raven or my cats. The funny thing is, Raven has known almost from the beginning that we were considering trying to have another child. She said she doesn’t care one way or another. And we have made it clear that another kid wouldn’t be replacing her, nor would it take over her room. And I consider my two cats in everything I do. They are my babies, always will be, and the only thing that comes before them is Raven. So for my mom to accuse me of not thinking about them is a huge insult to me. Thankfully, my awesome Stepmom said that her and my Dad would support us no matter what our decision.

On the plus side, however, I would like to raise another cat-loving geek. And it would be completely different than the last time since we are no longer teenagers living with our parents. We are responsible adults with our own home, jobs and all that other stuff. And Mike and I already have the names picked out for both a girl and a boy. A guarantee that we would have a boy would increase my desire to have another kid. We already have a girl (full of talent, intelligence and beauty), and it would be nice to have one of each.

The funny thing is, I have being debating this issue seriously for over a year, yet I see women on my Facebook feed who — after dating a guy for a few weeks — announce they are trying to conceive. It’s like, really? Mike and I have know each other since we were 5 years old and have been together as a couple for going on 20 years, and I put more thought into what to eat for breakfast then some people do on whether or not to have a baby.

Remember months back when I made a post for July goals?

No? You can read it here if you like.

Well, one of the goals was finally making a decision about something big that I was keeping under wraps.

Well, I never did make a final decision about that big question. But I think that this month may be it. I need to shit or get off the pot, as they say. If I decide against the big thing then I need to take the steps to ensure it doesn’t happen, but if I decide for it, then I need to get started.

Yeah, I know this is very vague post and a very vague topic but I don’t want to go into detail until I have a definitive decision one way or another.

I’m just hoping that by the end of this month, the decision will be made and I can stop the almost constant debate in my head.

I cannot believe that it is already December 7! Where has this year gone?

Anywho, our 13th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. We don’t have any plans, though. We went out to Texas Roadhouse for our anniversary dinner last night. Mike has been battling what we thought was a cold but turned out to be a possible sinus infection (thanks to a trip to urgent care) so we’re just spending the rest of his days off at home. Which is fine with me since I have a ton of movies that I want him to watch and I really do enjoy him being home. Then next weekend we have our friends ugly Christmas sweater party, which will be a ton of fun. I cannot wait!

I am also planning on having a Christmas get-together for the family. Nothing big, just some finger/party foods and good company. Since my Nan passed away in 2011, the Christmas tradition on my Mom’s side of the family of getting together on Christmas Eve just stopped. And it really is a shame because it was always one of the highlights of the season. So I’m hoping to start a new tradition for the family.

Unfortunately, the remainder of this month will be work, work and more work. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas and the whole family/presents thing. But the extra work required so I can assure my family has some good gifts can be more than a bit stressful. Especially when there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in a day to get everything done. But I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling stressed during this time of the year.

October has ended and November is in full swing. I don’t know how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m looking forward to decorating for Christmas and doing all the family-related Thanksgiving/Christmas activities that come along with the holiday season. On the other hand, I’m not particularly fond of the cold and just hate that, with each passing year, the time seems to go by so much quicker. And, at the beginning of the year, I honestly thought I would have more things accomplished by now then I actually have. Time can be a cruel bitch.

This time next year, Raven should be in college. And if she has it her way, she will be living in the dorms. Which means that for most of the day, it will just be me and the two cats until Mike comes home from work. While I am no stranger to being alone (as an only child I’m pretty much use to it), I am still not looking forward to her heading off to college. How could I? She has been one of the few constants in my life for over 17 years and now, in a matter of what will be mere months, she is going to be out of the house and starting the journey into her own adult life.

To say I’m sad about it would be an understatement.

On the bright side, the college she is going to is only about 20 minutes away, which means she will have no excuse to not come home on the weekends and holidays. And even if she does have excuses, I can easily stop by on my way grocery shopping.

It just still won’t be the same without her actually living here 24/7.

It won’t feel like home anymore.

It will feel like something is missing.

Her.

It’s been a little over a month since my last post. Things have been busy, busy, busy and I just didn’t have time to blog. Along with my normal workload, I have been making our costumes for the Halloween party, which is tonight. I made the masks and armor using pepakura, which is essentially paper craft. You print out the desired item on cardstock, cut it out, fold it and glue it together. It is time consuming but such fun! And the costumes came out awesome. I cannot wait to post pictures. I’m purposely not divulging what our costumes are. The husband wants to keep it hush hush until the party. But pictures will be posted in the coming days!