Month: October 2009

This is an update to the post I wrote a few days ago about some medical problems I have been having. So I will let everyone know what is going on. The test results from my 4 vials of blood came back. My iron is really, really low which is no shocker to me cause I have been anemic since the day I was born. My mom even had to give me liquid iron through an eye dropper when I was a baby. Dr M said I am just a few notches above getting a blood transfusion. He said I am beyond anemic. Him and the nurses couldn’t understand how I get myself up out of bed every morning. They said I must feel like complete shit, which I do. But I have felt this way for most of my adult life. I just thought this was how I was suppose to feel. My ferritin (which is my iron reserve) is damn near dry. When your ferritin dips to 70 or lower many doctors will start you on a prescription iron pill. My ferritin is 2. My vitamin D is way low as well. But none of that would give cause to the pain I am feeling in my abdomen.

Donna: Maybe your pregnant!
Me: I’m not pregnant.
Donna: I want you to be pregnant so we can have a shower!
Me: I’m not pregnant but y’all can still by me gifts if you want.
Donna: Dr M! Maybe Amanda’s pregnant!
Me: I’m not pregnant,
Dr M: Go pee in a cup.
Me: See! See what you did Donna! Now I have to pee in a cup.
Donna: I hope you’re pregnant!
Me: When the test comes back negative I get one of those fun size Hershey bars in your drawer there.

Me: (handing Nurse D my urine specimen) Got a present for you.
Nurse D: Wow, that’s clear.
Me: Well if my pee’s not good enough for you then just give it back.
Nurse D: You sure that’s not water.
Me: Taste it and find out.

The test comes back negative and I get me one of Donna’s fun size Hershey bars. They also tested for UTI which came back negative. But Nurse D was concerned about my urine being so clear. It could of past for water.

With all those ruled out Dr M decied to send me for an ultrasound of my abdomen. So yesterday morning I went up to Medbrook and had the ultrasound done and as it turns out I have gall stones that have to be removed. Whenever everyone at work found out they couldn’t believe it cause my pain is on the opposite side of the gall stones.

I don’t yet know when my surgery is going to be. Dr M is sending me to Dr Hrko to have them removed. I have a consultation with Dr Hrko on November 6. I will find out then when they will cut me open.

If anyone out there feels sorry for me having to be gutted sometime in the near future you are more then welcome to buy me gifts. I also accept cash.

Thanks to the oh so wonderful Bakerella (I love her site, I mean L O V E) I made her delicious Cowboy Cookies.  I’m not going to post the recipe cause you should really get it from her since it is her recipe to begin with. But I will post pictures and the process that I went through get these little round dollops of heaven.

Step 1: Make sure you have a cute kitty to watch over your shoulder just in case you need any help. Those fuzzy kitty paws come in handy.

Step 2: Mix dry ingredients together.

Step 3: In a separate bowl mix liquid ingredients.

Step 4: Slowly add liquid ingredients to dry ingredients.

Step 5: Jedi gets oh so tired (hey, it’s hard working being adorable) and has to go take a nap.

Step 6: Fold liquid ingredients into dry ingredients until well blended.

Step 7: Make sure that everything is blended nicely. Using the back of a spoon works well and if all else fails use your hands. No one needs to know.

Step 8: Roll dough into balls (haha, I typed balls) and place on an un-greased cookie sheet. Bake for 10 minutes in a 350 degree preheated oven.

Step 9: Remove cookies from oven using an oven mitt. Don’t be a dumbass like I was one time (yes only one time) and forgot (that’s right forgot) to use an oven mitt. That didn’t feel to pleasant.

Step 10: Enjoy!

A few years ago I started to have what I thought was indigestion. It would happen a few times every few month. It wasn’t pleasant, not at all, but not something I couldn’t deal with.

A few months ago it started to occur every few days. So I cut back on food that was greasy or spicy thinking that would help it but it didn’t. No matter what I ate or didn’t eat, it would still happen. It even happened when I had only eaten saltine crackers. The only way I could make the pain subside was to throw up whatever was on my stomach. Then the sharp somebody is stabbing me repeatedly in the stomach and left side of my back feeling would go away and I was just left with this dull but continuous pain in the very middle of my rib cage.

Since Thursday October 8, 2009 this pain has become a 24 hours 7 day a week occurrence.

I am lucky enough to work in a doctor’s office with people who are not just my coworkers but also my friends. Their concern for me was overwhelming.

The signs pointed to my gall bladder. So on Wednesday, Dr M and Nurse D took me in a room and performed a Murphy’s test on me, which pretty much means the doc pushes really really hard up in my rib cage. He kept asking me if it hurt and I said no (cause it didn’t). It seems that if it was my gall bladder then it would of hurt like hell when he was pushing. Dr M said that either it’s not my gall bladder or I have a high tolerance for pain. Nurse D said I should have blood work done to try to figure out what was wrong. Also, I haven’t had any kind of test run on me since Raven was born which was a little over 12 years ago. So into the blood drawing station I go.

I warned her that I kick, scream and bite.

She looked at my right arm first and didn’t think she could get a vein. So she looked at my left arm. Still nothing but she thought she had a better shot on my left. She put the needle in and nothing. She tried and she tried I know for a good 10 to 15 minutes. Nothing. Nurse D has been doing this a long time and trust me she knows what she is doing. But she couldn’t get anything. She pushed the needle down as far as it would go trying to hit pay dirt all the time asking me if it hurt. It didn’t and I told her so. After multiply attempts she decided to try later. When she removed the needle no blood come to the surface. Not even a drop.

She told Dr M and he said if we had a minute he would try to get it out of my foot. But with flu season here and everyone waiting a shot we didn’t have anytime for him to try.

So today (Thursday October 15, 2009) Nurse D and Dr M take me back into a room to try again. After looking at my arms again she decides to try on my right hand right below the knuckles (around where they usually insert and IV). She told me it was not going to feel pleasant.

As she got close to my hand I made a little scream (just messing with her), she jump and told me not to do that again. I laughed even though in hind sight it probably wasn’t a good idea to do that to someone who was getting ready to stick me with a needle. But oh well, it was funny and I will probably do it again. She tried her hardest to get something to come out but nothing did.

Around that area I had a paper cut that started to bleed a little. I told Nurse D “Look! You stick me one place I bleed some where else! Stick me in my arm and lets see where I bleed!” I don’t think she found that too funny.

Dr M (who Mike and I actually went to high school with) looked my arms over and said that he was going to try in my left wrist (right in the middle where you would slit if you were committing suicide). He said he didn’t really want to do it there cause it was going to hurt like hell but he was confident that he could get it. Him and Nurse D got everything ready. Dr M, told me not to move not even an inch and then looking completely serious with concern written all over his face (and it kinda had me worried for a second) he told me “Manda, this is going to hurt”. So I took a deep breath and watched as he inserted the needle into the vein. To my relief (and the shock of Dr M and Nurse D) it didn’t hurt at all. I told him that either he is really good at it or I am just tough.

Dr M was successful and they got the 4 vials of blood they where wanting. It was sent out to the labs tonight and hopefully I can figure out what is going on.

The sharp stabbing pain comes and goes but that dull pain stays. The dull pain I can handle. The sharp stabbing pain makes me wince.

The other morning I went out into the kitchen to get a bowl of frosted flakes, of course whenever I am heading in the direction of said kitchen Jedi will follow (or sometimes even pass me) to make sure that I know he is there and alive just in case the mood would strike me to give him some kind of tasty goodie. After getting my bowl of frosted goodness, I retired back into the bedroom to watch a little boob tube and eat my cereal. Of course no meal is complete without the orange furball of orneriness jumping up on the bed to nosey around a little.

This is the interchange that we had.

Jedi: Meow
Me: You will not eat frosted flakes, Jedi.
Jedi: Meow.
Me: You won’t eat it.
Jedi: Meoooow.
Me: Jedi, I am not lying to you. You know damn well you will not eat frosted flakes!
Jedi: Meooooow.
Me: No you won’t! If you would I would give you a piece.
Jedi: Meoooooooow.
Me: Yes I would!
Jedi: Meoooooow.
Me: You won’t eat it so I’m not wasting a piece.
Jedi: Meooooow.
Me: No!
Jedi: Meoooow.
Me: I said no!
Jedi: Meow Meow Meow.
Me: No! No! NO!
Jedi: Meoooooooow!
Me: (putting a piece of frosted flakes on the bed) Fine. There you go.

Jedi looks at it, taps it with his paw and then sniffs it. He proceeds to give me a look like I am a r-tard and jumps off the bed without even touching it (not counting the little tap he gave it with his paw).

Even when I know I am right, why do I always give into him and his kitty cuteness?

I spent the past few hours baking Halloween goodies. Something I haven’t done the past two Halloweens. The family issues that I was (am?) going through took away all my holiday spirit. But this year I was bound to not let other people’s shittyness not get the best of me. So I did what I have been doing since I was 14 years old, bake holiday theme goodies!

I baked ghost sugar cookies.

Some had icing,

and some were just plain sugar.

The whole time I was in the kitchen baking, Jedi was sitting on the table watching over me. Presumably he was making sure I did everything correct. Every now and again he would give me a sweet “meow” of approval.

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Finished up my long day at work a few hours ago. This 10 hour shift on Tuesday’s is really starting to get to me. Actually, everything is starting to get to me. I feel mentally and physically burnt out. I hate going to work and I only work about 3 days a week. I love the people I work with and usually have a good time but mentally my mind is a non stop train of raging thoughts about everything bad in my life. It’s hard to move on into the future when your mind is stuck in the past. I really truly try to not think those bad thoughts but they just pop in my head no matter what I do and once that happens everything is infected. It feels as if I have no control over my mind, over my thoughts.

I need a vacation from myself.

Yes, I have made another blog. Some might not see the need in it but there are just some things that I want to write about that I do not want on my business / photography blog. And I didn’t want to make certain post private so the only solution I could find was to start up a personal blog that I will keep separate from my business and away from certain people. A girl needs a place to vent and let out all her frustrations and worries. I keep most of the unhappy things to my self and away from people in the real world and it just sometimes feels like keeping all the unhappiness inside me, hidden away from everyone is slowly killing me, making me empty inside. I don”t want that to happen. I want to be happy, not just pretending to everyone that everything is ok and I don”t have a care in the world. That”s what this blog is here for. My own little therapeutic attempt to help me from going insane.

So please bare with me while I get all the kinks out of this template.

I also have merged the database from my old personal blog onto this one.